Hash Brown Spider Anti-venom

I had intended to teach you how to make hash browns, which I have never ever made in my entire life, but then I came upon this humungous spider when I was walking in the door.  It was huge.  So instead I will teach you what I would do in case a spider like this bit me.  I would grind up plantain herb (plantago major I think) from the local herb shop, moisten it with some water and put it on the bite.  Plantain is supposed to draw out poisons.  I’ve heard it referred to as “snake bite plant”.  I decided while I was at it I’d make a little plantain & bentonite clay facial mask in case I have some questionable pre-cancerous skin conditions.  This is based on no science whatsoever, but I did have some luck once.  I am teaching you what I do but in no way am I recommending it.  I ended up making some mashed potatoes too but it was hard to open my mouth because this facial is soooo drying.  You’ll want to moisturize after you rinse it off.