Hash Brown Spider Anti-venom

I had intended to teach you how to make hash browns, which I have never ever made in my entire life, but then I came upon this humungous spider when I was walking in the door.  It was huge.  So instead I will teach you what I would do in case a spider like this bit me.  I would grind up plantain herb (plantago major I think) from the local herb shop, moisten it with some water and put it on the bite.  Plantain is supposed to draw out poisons.  I’ve heard it referred to as “snake bite plant”.  I decided while I was at it I’d make a little plantain & bentonite clay facial mask in case I have some questionable pre-cancerous skin conditions.  This is based on no science whatsoever, but I did have some luck once.  I am teaching you what I do but in no way am I recommending it.  I ended up making some mashed potatoes too but it was hard to open my mouth because this facial is soooo drying.  You’ll want to moisturize after you rinse it off.

Fried Egg Flip or Gratitude

I had planned to teach you how to flip an egg today but my results were too sub standard.  So instead I will teach you how to be grateful for your eggs however they are flipped.  I am very grateful to have these organic free-range eggs to eat, with sea salt added.  It doesn't matter what happens with the flip as long as you don't burn the eggs.  In that light this was very much a success.  It is a blessing to have access to healthy food and a home.  Some badass chickens deserve a big thanks as well.  Take the time to appreciate your fried eggs and you will absorb more nutrients.  So today flip off anything other than gratitude. 

Cooking Lesson #1

I've been instructed to teach something I need to learn about.  I need to learn how to cook, so here is your 1st cooking lesson.

Roasted Vegetables:
Select some hardy root vegetables or others (organic if possible) & wash them, scrub them.
I used onion, parsnip, yam, carrot, and green bell pepper.
Chop them up and put in a pyrex dish except bell pepper, sprinkle on some salt and pour on some olive oil.
Mix around and around.
Put in a preheated oven 350-425 degrees depending on your oven.  It's best to start high & end low.
Cook for 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hours, depending on your oven and preference.  Put in the green bell peppers and juice of 1/2 lemon in the last 30 minutes or so and jostle ingredients.

It helps to be really really hungry to enjoy this dish the most.